Siddhaiyya ran and finally reached ‘Kandimallayya Palle’ mutt and to his surprise the ‘Simhadwaram’ (main gate) was closed. He tried to open but it was locked from inside. He cried aloud many times asking them to open the doors. After a long time one servant came out and said, “Your Guru has entered Samadhi, now you have no business here. You can go back to your village” and shut the doors on his face. Siddhaiyya’s tears rolled down his cheeks. He cried aloud, “O God! What is this misfortune! For twelve years I served my Guru, and in his final moments I wasn’t present here. Now when I returned I’m not being allowed to see his Samadhi and offer these flowers to him.Swami! Am I not even eligible to offer these flowers to your Samadhi? Am I such a fallen soul, O father?”
Siddhaiya continued crying aloud saying, “O my Guru! My Lord! My compassionate father! O My Veerabhoga Vasantavatara! O My Kalki! Who would call me by the affectionate words like, ‘Son’, and ‘Siddha’? Who would preach me knowledge hereafter? In case I get doubts who would clarify them with compassion?”
After a while Siddhaiyya decided to end his life through yoga. He called that alound and then sat near the main gate in the posture of ‘Padmasana’. Then he captured his ‘Pancha Prana’ inside, raised his ‘Kundalini’ to pierce his six chakras, focused on his Guru’s image in his Sahasrara Chakra, and by doing ‘Antar Kumbhaka’ tried to merge his soul with his ‘Gurumurti’s image’ in his Sahasrara chakra. But his decision of giving up his life when he spoke aloud, Govindamamba heard that from inside and started running towards the gate. As soon as Siddhaiyya was about to merge himself with the supreme soul, she interrupted him, and he came back to senses. She said, “Siddha! What were you trying to achieve, my son? Come inside and visit your Guru’s Samadhi! Your Guru doesn’t have any kind of anger with you, Son! In fact before sitting inside the Samadhi he talked about you and your greatness! Come on! Get inside!”
Siddhaiyya ran inside and seeing Swami’s Samadhi he fell down unconscious. After a while he regained his senses and circumambulated around the Samadhi three times and offered the flowers to the Samadhi. But his inner affection for Swami didn’t allow to stay calm. He again started weeping, and then decided to die saying, “Swami! Without seeing you I can’t live. If you do not appear before me, I would give up my life”. Saying so, he took a bush cutting scissors of huge shape, and put across his neck to behead himself. But to his astonishment that pair of scissors broke into pieces. He again cried aloud,”Swami! Can’t even have the rights to commit suicide? O Lord of the Lords! What are you playing with my emotions for? I would break my head into pieces by hitting on this corner stone”, he said and started hitting his head on the nearby stone, but found that not an efficient and quick way and then finally decided to use his Yogic powers. He said, “Swami! My Guru Chandrama! You yourself had taught me how to win over death and how to give up life through Yogic processes. Now I would use your own teaching to merge into you”.
Having decided to give up his life he raised his Kundalini through ‘Antar Kumbhakam’ Yogic process and was about to merge himself into Swami’s soul when he heard his Guru’s voice resounding around his ears, “Siddha! How dare you try to do that! Wait a minute!” Siddhaiyya recognized that voice and opened his eyes. He heard that voice again, “Siddha! Remove the rock of the Samadhi aside!”. Siddhaiyya removed that rock which was used to seal the Samadhi. Swami came out and said, “Siddha! What is this? Don’t you think I know about you well? Why did you want to give up your life?”
Siddhaiyya touched Swami’s feet and like a child hugged him. He prayed Swami in various ways and asked him to teach him the path of renunciation saying, “Swami! Kindly teach me how to remain detached from the world, its pains and pleasures, teach me the way which involves renunciation and tell me what realization is”.